In our decades-long adventure of working with couples to achieve God’s best for their marriages, I’ve learned a thing or two about effective communication along the way. One lesson that has repeated itself over and over, in various forms, remains undeniably clear: true communication goes beyond just hearing one another, it's about listening between the lines.
Picture a complex mosaic. Each tiny, distinct piece comes together to create an entire, beautiful image, so it is with marital communication. Each word, each moment of silence, each sigh or smile from your spouse, is a unique piece. By authentically listening between the lines, we take the time to give each piece careful consideration, understanding its meaning and importance, acknowledging its place in the conversation.
Jesus often communicated in parables, which many of his followers found hard to understand. You might even relate to this, feeling as if your spouse talks in riddles or parables, and you wish they would just say things plainly. Don't lose heart. In Mark 4:24 Jesus advises, “Pay close attention to what you hear. The closer you listen, the more understanding you will be given.”
5 TIPS FOR LISTENING BETWEEN THE LINES
🚀 Give Your Full Attention
When it's time to listen, remove any distractions—set aside your phone, turn off the TV, make sure the kids are preoccupied—so you can truly focus on your spouse. Be sure to maintain eye contact to show that you're engaged. Your undivided attention affirms their value and makes them feel prioritized and loved.
🚀 Exercise Quiet Patience
Speak only after your spouse has expressed themselves fully and recognized that you’re truly listening. Avoid the temptation to interrupt so that you can explain, justify, defend, or solve. Practice patience and be fully present so your spouse can articulate their thoughts cohesively, setting the stage for productive dialogue.
🚀 Tune Into Emotions
Proverbs 20:5 says, "The purposes of a person’s heart are deep waters, but one who has insight draws them out." Pay attention to your partner’s underlying emotions as manifested through tone of voice, body language, and expressions. A sharpened emotional intuition will help you better understand and prepare you to respond.
🚀 Ask Meaningful Questions
Before jumping into response mode, you may want to probe deeper with questions that go beyond ‘yes’ or ‘no’ answers, much like Jesus did in his teaching. Be proactive in discovering what’s in your spouse’s heart by asking open-ended questions that encourage further revelation: “Can you elaborate on that for me?”
🚀 Empathize and Reflect
Applying the 'Golden Rule' from Matthew 7:12, treat your spouse how you’d want to be treated. Show empathy by acknowledging their feelings—even if you don’t relate. You might say, "I understand that this is difficult for you." Or "I really appreciate you opening up to me." Echo back what you’ve heard while affirming your steadfast love for them.
In marriage, or in any relationship for that matter, listening between the lines will not always be easy or automatic. It demands intentionality, patience, openness, and a genuine desire to truly understand. But it’s in making that effort, that investment in your partnership, that your marriage will both grow and flourish. Proverbs 19:8 tells us, “People who cherish understanding will prosper.”
As with anything in life, whether it’s your career, health, family, or faith—if it’s important to you then you will prioritize it. So, the next time you find yourself in conversation with your partner, take a reflective pause. Listen attentively, striving to understand rather than merely respond; to comprehend the hidden sentiments they're trying to convey.
IT'S YOUR LOVE STORY
Remember, every effort poured into learning and cultivating this art of listening between the lines enriches your personal love story. It’s an investment that will not only enhance your relationship but also make it more resilient and rewarding. What better way to show the world that we belong to Christ than by the way we love one another? After all, love begins at home!
Comments