"What's the secret to a successful marriage?" Janet and I often find ourselves answering this universally asked question, or some variation of it like, "If you could give just one piece of marriage advice, what would it be?" The responses we've heard from others over time range from humorous clichés to heartfelt wisdom.
From witty remarks like, “I always make sure I get the last two words…yes, Dear,'' to the light-hearted and ever popular, “Happy wife, happy life.'' And who can forget the classic, “If Mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy. If Daddy ain’t happy, who cares?” (Or did Janet make that last part up?)
Funny as these may seem, the essence of a successful marriage is never about one partner’s happiness over the other—even though I really do want Mama to be happy. A truly successful marriage thrives when both parties experience mutual fulfillment in the relationship.
So when someone asks, “What the secret to successful marriage?”...
We confidently answer, “Out-love, out-give, and out-serve each other.”
MAKE YOUR MARRIAGE A COMPETITION
Over the years, we’ve come to view marriage as a beautiful, healthy competition—not one where you keep score, but one where both partners lovingly strive to give their all. Romans 12:10 encourages us to “take delight in honoring each other,” and Philippians 2:3 reminds to “regard others as more important than yourselves.” The true beauty unfolds when both spouses commit, side by side, to prioritize the other person—to give 100% regardless of what you get in return.
4 KEYS TO A SUCCESSFUL MARRIAGE
🚩Out-love each other.
Love is the bedrock of every marriage. Aim to outdo each other in expressing your love, both in grand gestures and small everyday acts of kindness. I believe it’s no coincidence that Apostle Paul began his epic description of love in 1 Corinthians 13 with, “Love is patient.” Of all the virtues that showcase love, let your love for each other begin with patience—a whole lot of it!
🚩Out-give each other.
Generosity cultivates warmth and positivity, especially within a marriage. Whether it's giving time, attention, kind words, or material gifts, make it your goal to be the more generous partner. Jesus told us in Acts 20:35: “It is more blessed to give than to receive.” We conveniently preach it to others; let’s practice it at home with our lifetime partner.
🚩Out-serve each other.
This involves anticipating and meeting your spouse’s needs before addressing your own. Jesus set the perfect example for us as Mark 10:45 states: “For even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve others.” Serving your mate models humility and selflessness, which deepens the marital connection.
🚩Be the first to forgive or ask forgiveness.
In every relationship, missteps and offenses are inevitable—simply because we’re human. That’s why we’re reminded in Ephesians 4:32 to "forgive one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven us." Or consider the reverse view found in Matthew 6:15, “But if you refuse to forgive others, your Father will not forgive your sins.”
While marriage was never promised to be easy, these four keys—love, giving, service, and forgiveness—stand as cornerstone principles for any relationship to thrive and navigate challenges successfully. Intentionally practicing these principles is proof of your commitment to build the best marriage possible. After all, your marriage is what you make it.
So now you know the secret to having a successful marriage!
IT’S YOUR LOVE STORY
Treat your marriage as more than just a union or partnership—turn it into a healthy competition. Go above and beyond to out-love, out-give, and out-serve each other. And when you miss the mark, which will inevitably happen, make a pact with yourself to be the first to seek or offer forgiveness.
It's your love story! Write it in a way that is entirely fulfilling, positively memorable, and a shining example for others.
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