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Ron Biagini

Navigating Family Expectations at Christmas



Navigating family obligations during the holidays can feel super stressful for so many married couples, especially when pleasing everyone seems like an impossible task. Whose house will you be going to this year? If both sets of parents are local, how many hours should you allocate for each? And for those with stepparents, two visits can easily turn into four!


I remember when Janet and I were newly married, feeling the weight of expectations from our parents (okay, mostly mine!) regarding the holiday plans. As the youngest of four, I was expected to comply with the traditions my older siblings had already adopted with extended family:

What time we were supposed to arrive

What dish or dessert we were to bring

Who we had to buy presents for (we hardly had money to buy each other a gift!).


 

THE CHALLENGE


How do you make Christmas memorable without disregarding family traditions?

How can you juggle the “We’re going to my parents first!” and “No, my dad is expecting us this year!” debate?


Oh, how I wish I knew then what I know now…


Ephesians 5:31 reminds us, "For this reason, a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh." In other words, you've transitioned from the "single-player mode" to the "two-players, one team" status. Once married, your new family becomes your top priority!


 

3 TIPS FOR A NEW CHRISTMAS EXPERIENCE


🔹Establish Boundaries for the Holidays

Together as husband and wife, openly discuss your expectations and priorities for your family. Make plans for how you'll spend the holidays—whether it's alternating between each family or celebrating with extended family on alternative days. Once you're both aligned, communicate your plans to your families with a united front, ensuring everyone understands the new dynamics.


🔹Make Your Own Traditions a Priority

Traditions create a sense of belonging and continuity, something to reflect back on as well as look forward to. If you grew up with holiday traditions, you understand their intrinsic value. Now, it's your turn to create your own Christmas customs.


For example, my family exchanged gifts and opened stocking stuffers early on Christmas morning, while Janet's family celebrated late on Christmas Eve, opening one stocking stuffer each day for the twelve days leading up to Christmas. When we started our own family, we combined our favorite practices from each of our childhood traditions, sprinkled in some new ideas, and then made them our own.

🔹Put Christ at the Center of Your Christmas

Never forget the true meaning of the season: "For unto us a child is born, unto us a son is given…" (Isaiah 9:6). Keep Christ front and center during your celebration, whether through prayer, Bible readings, story telling, sharing communion, attending candlelight services, singing carols, or giving back to the community. Spiritual traditions can unify you as a couple and family, keeping your holiday grounded in the true meaning of Christmas.

 

As you embrace your new holiday traditions, remember that letting go of some old ones doesn't mean losing sight of their beauty or significance. Continually treasure your extended family, even taking time to thank them for all the positive childhood memories, while upholding your commitment to your spouse and creating memories unique to your God-given partnership. Years from now, you'll be the old folks reminiscing about those cherished, and sometimes crazy Christmas moments you created together along your marital journey.


 

STAY TUNED AS WE ADDRESS THE HOLIDAYS FROM THE PARENTS & IN-LAWS' PERSPECTIVES NEXT!


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